Well that's the diet fooked😆

Eldest's tattoo progress😳 23 hours of work so far!

Morning Shitkickers 👋 Monkey Pox ain't getting me this autumn. £3.99 on Temu.

This morning, I found a great big black hole in my finances. So, I've just given the cleaner, the cook and the butler 15 % pay rises, ordered a new Range Rover, ripped out my perfectly good boiler and installed a heat pump, and turfed my Mum out on the street. Vote Labour😊

Wagon Wheels existed before both.

Just a small, light pegging tonight, please, Pet. We had a hell of a shift.

'FFS!! I said smash the GANGS, not the GRANS!'

Haven't had one of them since that accident at the fairground😳

Thanks for all the follows today. I'm especially appreciative as none of you have DM'd asking is Fatbaldbloke my real name🤣If I haven't followed you back, just reply 'Shape up Fatty' below and I'll get on it👍

Breaking : First images of The Labour Party Border Security Command are leaked. Reports of smuggling gangs handing themselves in across France.

Absolutely pissing down with fundernlightening here in South Wales😳 Question : Do I tell the pompous twat across the road he's left his passenger rear window down quite a bit on his week old new car or give it another half hour?

If you haven't said 'Oh get fucked!' today, here's your chance.🤦‍♂️

Morning Shitkickers 👋I'll follow everyone back when twitter allows, as it's currently got the same attitude as Mrs F, in that I've reached its limit😆

This might be a totally inappropriate and racist thing to say, but us white people have no natural rhythm whatsofeckinever.

😳😳😳

30 years of marriage, tale number 6943 : After being unjustly accused of something, I deliberately bought dulce gusto coffee pods instead of nespresso. That'll teach her. She's raging.😆 I can out petty any fucker💪

Something, something......work on fannies first.

Sick of seeing this story everywhere. It's been blown up out of all proportion.

Just spent 10 minutes staring at a bottle of mouthwash as I can't remember how the childproof top works. FFS🤦‍♂️